The past few months, I’ve had this feeling welling up deep within me.
I just want to love, baby.
I just want to pour my love into a woman. Everything I’ve got. I want to give one woman everything I’ve got.
It’s a fucking awesome feeling. There’s so much energy there – so much energy that wants to be expressed through my being.
So much rawness. Such deep and visceral emotionality. So much sensuality and sexuality.
It’s interesting – for a number of years, I was really into the idea of conquering as many women as possible. My ego wanted it, because it wanted to prove something to itself.
I’ve mostly left that behind now. It doesn’t interest me as much as what I’m focusing on now (although, don’t get me wrong… I do still love the idea of conquering as many different women as possible, because it’s an exciting and fun way of exploring life).
Truthfully, I haven’t been remotely ready to open my heart. I’ve had little use for the lover within me – instead, I’ve been on an absolute warpath in moving towards my goals in life. Now, things are different. I haven’t felt this way in almost three years.
Now, every fiber of my being is yearning for connection. Every neuron in my mind is primed and ready to connect with another mind, body, and spirit. One that’s a true match for me. One worthy of my fullest pursuit.
Not a girl that quickly falls at my feet.
Not a girl that’s fawning before I’ve even fully expressed myself.
And certainly not a girl that’s sold before I’ve even opened my mouth.
Probably not even a girl that I can simply hang out with for a few hours and easily have sex with on the first date.
I want a woman that demands the full measure of my romance, who pushes me to my limit in my pursuit of her.
I want a woman who pushes me to dig deep into every facet of my manhood – my own mind, body, and spirit.
I want a woman who can recognize and appreciate the depths of my spirit… as well as the heights of my intellect and imagination.
That’s a woman worth pursuing with my whole heart. That’s a woman worth giving my all to – every fiber of my being.
I’ve tasted it. My first girlfriend was this type, and it was joy beyond words for me – I loved her with my whole heart. She truly deserved it. She was worthy of my greatest affection.
In the past several years, as I’ve met many women that are older than me, I’ve found women that see and recognize me for who I truly am – they see beyond my physical appearance, and appreciate my vision and charisma. They listen to my ideas and perspectives, and highly value them. They see me and hear me in my power, and they recognize it, admire it, and are ardent supporters of it. Unfortunately, most of these women have typically been married, significantly older, or women I just wasn’t attracted to enough on a physical level (to commit to the kind of monogamous relationship I want).
However, I treasure my relationships with them very highly. These women are cool springs that my spirit drinks from, waters that have at times calmed, cooled, and nourished the heat and intensity of my driving spirit. These women have given me a small taste of what I want – and will find – in my next true lover.
You know, I used to doubt the concept of a soulmate. Used to. After meeting some of these women – I believe a soulmate (multiple, perhaps) is out there for me.
I want to find her (them?) so badly.
I want to completely stop wasting any of my fucking time or energy on these young women that have nothing interesting to say.
I’d rather find this girl/woman/whatever, and let her into my inner cosmos, and explore her own. And then, God willing, the two of us would take on the fucking world together.
I imagine we’ll be an unstoppable duo.
So, a very precise, very intentional question lingers in my mind – what kind of man do I need to allow myself to become in order to attract this woman into my life?
What can I do to step into the full measure of my potential and my being?
What can I do to accelerate the process of my development, growth, and self actualization?
I’ll do it. I don’t give a fuck what it takes. I’ve been through hell and back at least two dozen times in my life – I’m ready to make another fucking trip.
I’ll suffer through the pain. I’ll learn the lessons. I’ll sweat, and I’ll bleed profusely. I’ll earn it.
I’ll do what it takes to become the most courageous, true, honest, and powerful version of myself. I’ll do what it takes to fully integrate my body, mind, and spirit.
I’ll do what it takes because I want to be that man for myself, and for my family and friends, and for the good of the world at large. But I’ll especially do it if I get to meet women like I’ve just described.
I’ll continue putting myself through the ringer if it means I may become the fully actualized version of myself.
I’ll grit my teeth, and push forward, and do what it takes. That’s what I do.